Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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