I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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