do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
