my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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