I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
