A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
