Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
