This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
