i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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