Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
