I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
