Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
