he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
