your room smells of hookers.
And success
Come see our sink grown plant.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
