All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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