Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
