they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
