I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
