It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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