I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
