You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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