The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
