I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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