this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
