We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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