I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
