i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
