My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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