I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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