the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
