tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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