and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
