I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
