I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
