a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
