Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
