he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
