420 ftw
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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