im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
