My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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