I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
