i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
