the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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