I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
