I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
