i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
