I showed him my bush... on skype.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
