Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
