You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
