You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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