then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
