Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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